Formal email

Subject: Me, myself and I


Dear Professor Blackstone



Good day to you. 


My name is Abdul Bari and I am writing to you this letter to introduce myself as one of your students in effective communication. I am currently studying in Sustainability Infrastructure Engineering Building Services in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT).  


I started my studies as an engineer because I have always wanted to build something of my own ideas. After long hours of considerations, I realize that being an engineer for buildings is what I genuinely want to start a career on. 

 

One weakness that I have is the choice of words to use in my speech. I find it frustrating to always stop and pause in the middle of presenting just to find the correct words to use. This often makes me lose interest and lose my self-confidence.  


One of my strengths is, accepting criticism by listening and admit to my mistakes. For instances, there were many situations when I was stubborn and I get all aggressive when I was asked to do things differently. Hence, I believe taking in all the advice will improve on my writing and communication and surely in all sort of things that we can do. 


Two goals that I hope to achieve at the end of this module is to gain my confidence to speak and write fluently by thinking critically so that I can relay my messages to the audience clearly and easily. 


I believe that being able to learn from my mistakes and seek knowledge is what strikes me out from others. I am willing to go the extra mile to achieve my goals in life. I am confident that I will grow splendidly through all the experiences that I have and yet to encounter.  


Thank you for your time.


Best regards, 

Bari 

Comments

  1. Izzeddine Osman22 September 2021 at 07:19

    Thanks for sharing more about yourself, Bari! I now know more about you through this letter. I really enjoyed reading it.

    I believe that you can elaborate more on why you decided to become an engineer for buildings as well as your goals for this module.

    Other than that, you managed to present your letter in a nice flow. It was really interesting that you chose to start off with your weakness instead of your strength.

    I hope that we both will be able to achieve our goals by the end of this module!

    Regards
    Izzeddine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bari4 October 2021 at 07:57

      Hi Izzedine,

      Thank you for your time to read my email. You make me realize my flaws in writing and I appreciate your feedback. I will continue to work on my weakness when it comes to writing.

      Best wishes,
      Bari

      Delete
  2. Yusri23 September 2021 at 07:42

    Bari,

    This was a very good read! I got to know more about you after reading your letter. You managed to address every single points, and it was easy to understand. However, the way you wrote the contents of your letter made it sound as if you're writing bullet points. I do believe that there is room for improvement when it comes to the flow of the letter. Do work on your weaknesses so that it can help you the next time you're writing a letter. Best of luck to you, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Syazwan Shuk23 September 2021 at 09:22

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Bari4 October 2021 at 07:54

      Hi Yusri,

      Thank you for your kind words on my email. I will work more on my sentence structure properly and be wary on the choice of words next time.

      Best wishes,
      Bari

      Delete
  3. Irwan23 September 2021 at 10:33

    Dear Bari,

    Thanks for sharing with us more about you. The letter is clear and concise. One improvement you can make is to elaborate more about your goals. Otherwise, the structure is good.

    I hope we can achieve our goals by the end of the this module.

    Regards,
    Irwan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bari4 October 2021 at 07:52

      Dear Irwan,

      Thank you for commenting on my email and your constructive points. I will continue to work on my writing skills in the future.

      Best wishes,
      Bari

      Delete
  4. Syazwan Shuk23 September 2021 at 20:48

    Hi Bari Allen,

    I appreciate how direct your letter was, it made it very easy for me to get to know you. Although, Yusri is right about how your letter looks like it is written in the form of bullet points. I feel that you could elaborate more to add more content to your letter.

    For this sentence for example, "After long hours of considerations, I realize that being an engineer for buildings is what I genuinely want to start a career on. " You could elaborate on the other options you considered. It would provide more understanding to us readers.
    However I do understand the limitations which was set at 300 words and maybe that is why you were not able to provide the bigger picture of your story.

    Thank you for the enjoyable read !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bari4 October 2021 at 07:48

      Hi Syazwan,

      I appreciate you taking the time to read my email and giving me solid criticism. I will make sure to elaborate on my points well next time.

      Best wishes,
      Bari

      Delete
  5. khaider23 September 2021 at 20:50

    Dear Bari,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. It is such an easy read and I like how simple and straight to the point you are with your writing. However, it would be great if you could expand on your points as it already have the basis for a potentially strong and interesting letter.

    Once again I would like to thank you, and may you achieve the goals you have set out for this module.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bari4 October 2021 at 07:45

      Dear Khairul,

      Thank you for your kind words, I will take into account of what you said and I will definitely try to improve on my writings in the future.

      Best wishes,
      Bari

      Delete
  6. Brad Blackstone23 September 2021 at 23:25

    Dear Bari,

    Thank you for this clear concise letter. I appreciate learning about your background and how you have always had an interest in building. At the same time, my curiosity flares when I read this with a few questions: When did such an interest develop? Were you influenced by anyone or anything in particular?

    You also are concise while explaining your communication strength and weakness, tying both to self confidence. It's interesting that while you're happy to take onboard criticism and can admit a mistake, you also feel threatended at times and react aggressively when asked to "to do things differently."

    In the spirit of growth and skills development, let's review a ​few language issues to take note of:

    1. lack of parallel structures
    -- One of my strengths is, accepting criticism by listening and admit to my mistakes. >
    One of my strengths is accepting criticism by listening and admitting to my mistakes.

    2. verb tense consistency
    -- For instances, there were many situations when I was stubborn and I get all aggressive when I was asked to do things differently. > ?

    3. phrasing/word use
    -- Hence, I believe taking in all the advice will improve on my writing and communication and surely in all sort of things that we can do. > ("I"/"we" mix) ?
    -- ...is what strikes me out from others. > ?

    One other minor criticism that came from another reader is that details in this letter might come across as bulleted. How might you change that sense?

    I look forward to seeing how your skils develop this term.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bari4 October 2021 at 07:40

      Dear Professor Brad,

      Thank you for reading my email. I will take note of the errors that you have listed out for me and I will do my best to do better next time round.

      Best regards,
      Bari

      Delete

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